today went to smu gym for the FIRST time. for those who have been to the fish tank gym or seen it from teh outside, u will be appalled by the machines inside. super cool! u touch the screen to begin, then select what kinda workout u want, insert ur weight, age and targeted heart rate, and off u go! there are treadmills, those ladder machines, cycling machines, rowing machines. siu and i found this DELTOIDS machine. super fun. and of cos teh company was fun too. must go with frens to motivate and laugh. then gymming is not so boring or stressful haha.

then went for jap bufet with the now fused gang (made up of various smaller clans) to celebrate viny's last paper! after a much awaited ride from ue, we got lost. everyone was getting anxious as it was already 1 plus and last order was 2.15. being kiasu youn ppl who want to eat the most for value for money, we ordered a lot a lot. and the early batch of ppl refuse to help us eat. ended up towards the end, we were stuffing ourselves. haha super funny. and i believe viny's caught some of these funny scenes on our cameras. shall look thru soon.

after which, the fused gang broke up into two main sects. my sect landed up in marina, partly due to the rain. we caught "The Insider Person" (i think that was thetitle) i was very exciter - first time watching movie in GV Marina - that place looked good; first time watching with ryan k and hh. remember the last time we ran off after FA quiz to catch Harry Potter? that was a memorable experience man!

anyway, the movie was abt a bank robbery, but not the usual kind. many times towards the end, u thought the movie had ended, but it hadn't. so i started getting restless in my seat. and teh ending was kinda like no ending. blame me for my stupidity, or insensitivity. probably some conclusion with deep inferences to be made, which i was too restless and to tired to make.

she was my classmate in sec 3 and 4. sat in the row behind me. always had a low belt. btu she was no pai kia. instead, she was a bubbly gal, who was nice to everyone and had a cheerful laughter.

we went to jc together, tho we kinda lost contact, although we attended the same sch everyday. we only said hi whenever we met once in a while, in that small, cosy sch. as everyone buried our heads amidst the books for the final fate-deciding cambridge exams, everyone was too absorbed to notice anything going on.

and this was when this fren realised some discomfort. she brushed them aside, jus like how we brush a pain in our shoulders, or the tiredness of the eyes, where there are more impt things like the exams.

only after the exams did she go for a thorough checkup. and found out she had tongue cancer. and only did i find out, from teh newspapers, where she was featured in a christmas edition.

her condition was under control. until she discovered she had skin cancer, supposedly stage 4. supposedly admitted in icu recently, but my fren clarified taht she wasn't. supposedly has less than a year. supposedly there is a new medicine, which costs $100 a pill, which she takes once a day, which may prolong her life.

her frens have been goign down to rgs to do a presentation to teh rgs gals to raise funds. they also set up a booth during ORA to raise funds. puee has also been trying to reach her family to offer what lil help we may.

sometimes money can't buy us everything. not the choice whetehr to live or die. not the choice whetehr to be happy or sad. not the choice whetehr u can offer help or not.

do not doubt ourself-worth. we are worth as much as we see ourselves. easy for me to say right? but the self-confidence one exudes is worth more than one who hides behind a facade.

my fren is joan chan shu fang. if u have any idea on how to help, pls lemme know. tho i think the only way we can help right now is to hope for the best for her.

finished reading "Five People You Meet in Heaven". really nice. if u wanna read, pls get from me.
anger and forgiveness
we may all have a chance at university education while others had to give up the same opportunity. we may be given the opportunity to live cos others gave up their opportunities. hence our stories are all but one.

was thinking of who are the five ppl i m going to meet in heaven. i have only thot of one so far. then again, u don't have to know that person in order to meet him/her in heaven. so i would not know until i really meet that person. anyway nice story. esp teh part on anger and forgiveness. easy to say. hard to do.

all the niceties we show to others. the facade. to forgive someone is really to let go of that burden i guess. rather than holding on tight and be anguish over it.

last night went out with WL and HY. so nice to meet 2 of u =) tho both of u still have exams coming up, still came out to celebrate with me. makes me feel bad. went for dinner at carl's junior. don't think it was fantastic. subway's better :) then went shopping with them. it is alwasy so interesting to go shopping with them haha.

and yes all the good luck for exams msg came in yesterday. had to reply back saying my exams over le. haha. evil laughter.

then went out for supper. my china auntie leaving today. so kinda like farewell dinner. must give face. went to one restaurant where we haven't been to in a long while. food still as good, tho the crowd is no longer there. wonder how tehy survive.

this morning woke up, went to iras to drop the income tax form. iras was like this big market place where there were queues snaking all around and ppl trying to get their forms filled. thankfully my dad had filled up the form and i jus had to drop the form hehe.

then went to post office to get form for progress package for my granny. think i shall be doing such household chores during the hols. like posting letters and paying bills for my dad and mum. heh.

k time to go for sbm. time to meet all my sariputtians. miss u guys! =)

filling in online income tax form is such a chore. scenario: dad fills up income tax form for mum. dad thinks that iras has sent mum one form less. dad gets daughter to either:
i) troop down to IRAS after biz law exam to get complete set of income tax form
ii) help him e-file income tax online.
daughter, wanting to enjoy herself after exam, decided to choose the latter. so as she sits in front of teh com trying to figure out how to e-file, she realises mum does not have a Singpass or IRAS pin. cos dad has been doing for her all these years.

so daughter sets on a mission, together with Ryan Bob, to try to go round this problem, see whether can download forms or sth. turns out that the govt only sent out 2 pages of form B1, which is what we got. so the govt din send us 1 horm less. Whee!

Mission accomplished. not without thanks to Ryan Bob (double negation)

btw, this Singpass thing is getting annoying. from applying for jc, to setting up smubs, to filling up IRAS form, everything needs a Singpass. worse thing is u can keep applying online, and dunno which is ur current Singpass.

In case anyone needs to e-file online, pls check out mytax.iras.gov.sg
for instructions to fill form b1, pls check out http://www.iras.gov.sg/ESVPortal/home/quick_reference_guide_to_filing_your_tax.asp

and next time, i will fill in my own income tax. outsourcing is too tedious a chore. as Ryan puts it, with a lil MA and MPW,

this is called dysfunctional process
process reengineering required.
there is alienation
cos the person who is taking the income tax details a.k.a. mum
cannot see the fruits of her labor
so no increase in satisfaction
detachment

sounds like matrix ey?

exams are finally over! Whee! Recap:

Mon - MA

Tues - AS

Wed - Econs, which was super hard

Thurs - Biz Law

during the biz law exam today, i kept looking at the digital clock in sch, secretly happy that I was nearing the time of freedom. haha. when teh invilgilator collected the papers, everyone was punching fists into the air and teh atmosphere was generally light and relaxed and relieved and ecstatic and what-not.

After the paper, met up with a whole bunch of ppl who had turned up for HH's organised post-exam celebratory lunch at Brewerkz. Glad that the turn out was good. me and siu had our long-awaited (for 7 weeks) angel hair pasta, as well as kc's fav sausages. some how thefood din taste as good this time.

realised that i don't like crowds. too many ppl and i don't like it. i think cos i will feel like an insignificant one person in a crowd. which was when me and kc went for a walk outside. thankfully the rain had cleared and we walked around teh vicinity. the walk was realy the kind of walk i always wanted but never got to enjoy. jus walk, with no purpose in mind, not rushing to anywhere, and having a good talk with a fren. we talked abt some things, of insignificant consequences. but i was tired. prob overwhelmed by all the things that had come charging throughout the term and now everything was over.

i preferred our first gathering at Breqerwz,7 weeks ago. smaller and got to eat the nice choc ice cream. of cos this time had ryan and gang as well as the marist gang. next time i must eat the chocolate cake!

after Brewerkz, we went to Chinatown to sing KTV. haha enjoyable, listening to them sing ballads, watchign the super long-ago MTV of Aaron Kwok and his hand-signals. I stilll like JAY CHOU the best, though I am starting to like Lee Hom and Tao Zhe. Lee Hom is getting less ABC and his songs are more soothing. or mb i nvr listened carefully in the past and only listened to beloved dear Jay.

after ktv, we had dinner by the road side literally. had frog leg porridge. nice =D throughout the whole dinner, 3 cars had mounted the same kerb and 2 traffic police had come to shoo ppl who had parked tehir cars on the road side to eat frog leg porridge away. all bad Singaporean drivers haha

we wanted to explore Chinatown initially. however, we ended up goign to sq's house to collect car to ensure a viable mode of transport back home after our intended movie. and we were showed the papaya trees outside his house, and the new year flowers taht nvr withered after New Year. Instead, it bloomed and dispersed its seeds to otehr parts of teh garden haha.

and we watched.. "The Producers". Actually we watched it cos that was the only available show at 10pm. However, it was a laughable show. enjoyed it cos it was in musical form and the performances were good. and the costumes were nice. kinda interesting. and plus the fact that this is the second movie of teh year, I guess it appealed to me :) laugh so loud in the theatre haha

then home. home is always the best place to be. my mum wanted to drive me home even tho she was sick. speaking of which, mum has been sick for a few days. my heart pain. her voice sounds so bad over the phone. she rarely takes panadol but she takes one a day to keep teh pain at bay. think she was caught in the daily afternoon showers over the last week. I am probably teh least caring daughter.

And have I told you how much I love my parents? This is probably the first time I am saying this, but I guess I am growing more thick-skinned. I love my parents A LOT A LOT. say i grow in a fairy tale. but my parents are super supportive of what I do. Even tho they may nag at me once in a while, they are not too restrictive.

That day I was studying for Econs and I kept complaining to my dad I did not want to study anymore. I have been complaining abt taht to him since I was preparing for my A Levels. After much complaint taht fateful night, my dad actually asked if I wanted to go overseas to study Medicine. I was kinda shocked at his offer. I thought I had put that potion behind me over the past one year. Yet my dad still remembered it. I asked him why he asked. He said taht was my interest. Looking back, that indeed is still my interest. But in order to fuel my interest would probably means my dad would have to work at his lee-than-desirable job harder and longer. I like my life now. Life is not just about studying, or studying Medicine. I have SBM, SMUBS, piano lessons. even after exams, when i was feeling lost at what to do, now that i don't have to go home to study for the tests on the next day, i know there are more activities at sbm and smubs. and there are my frens. my frens are not jus the few, but more and varied. some whom i have not seen in months. some i m prob not goign to see in months. nonetheless,

time to get engine started!

I need a hug, shall get it from my mum if she can get out of bed to hug me. long time nvr hug her.

Thanks guys, for a great first year. many lessons learnt. frens made. new experiences. second year, here we come!

well, mid-exam update.
MA paper down. AS paper down. left econs and biz law, 2 beeeeeegggggg papers.
yesterday handed up bgs report. phew. so much acticity over handing in hard copy and soft copy haha. well. handed up. up to prof to grade and give me a lousy grade.

MA paper in the afternoon. heng din come out much of what I din know. i think it is kinda luck -- like spot topics haha. anyway over le.

came home and sleep. woke up at 8pm and study. AS is quite interesting la, if u know how to do. well i dunno how to do, so have to try my luck.

tmr econs, then biz law. then i will go party with my frens. been saying so many times, better come true. and of cos, meet up with all my frens who have been accomodating all my presentations and tests and quizzes and exams. thanks a lot. really appreciate.

and of cos, sbm and vesak and CEP =)

today tried to do ma papers. somehow tehre is this air of unpreparedness. haven't touched AS yet. and MA got no model answer.

we are already preparing to party from thursday on, from brewerkz to ktv. and mon celebrate with vee. agreed since week 8, ie 1.5 months ago. time passes so fast ay?

then think further and realise we have QM one week after exams for a month. argh. more work. only one week for breather. taht means must enjoy that one week to teh max!

june is coming. so is world cup and nba. time seriously flies. remember the last time i watched world cup was when i was still in rgs, and i told myself i willl be in uni year 1 when the next world cup comes. before taht, i had to pass my o levels and a levels. and now, here comes the world cup! and i had this pact with dunno-who that we will catch teh world cup togetehr in 2006. but i forgot who le! if u rememebr who u r, pls lemme know.

and yes, paging for NBA wannabes. who wanna watch nba together? world cup also can :) haha

ben listening to Kiss goodbye by Lee Hom these past few days. heard it by chance on my bus home. nice. it is the kind of music u can switch it on loud, yet it does not blast ur eardrums. haha.

Friday
study study study
was listening toperfect 10 in the car on my way home. tehre was this 11 year old boy, who dedicated a song to his gf, who is 11 also. this boy's voice hasn't even break yet haha, so when he intro himself as Nicholas, I was like "isn't nicholas a boy's name? isn't this a gal?" thankfully shan wee din ask silly questions like taht. think he was kinda shocked a 11 year old boy would call in to perfect 10 to dedicate song.

shan:" so how long have you been boy-gal frens?"
boy:"very long"
shan:"how long? since u were 8?"
boy:"no lah, since we were 9 or 10."
shan:"so this is a 2 year relationship. how does it feel to be in a 2-year relationship? cos i have not been in one myself"

and the conversation went on. and the sweetest thing he did for her was to get her a teddy on her birthday. haha sweet lil boy. dee, i think he is the one for u =)

anyway, hwee flew off this morning. last night, we went for coffee. it was more like a casual meeting than like a special meeting before we see him in 2 months time.

this morning studied, then went to sch to study. all of us were frivolously doing MA. done zee-roh for AS. argh. and my jc class meeting for steamboat tmr. can't go :( sorry guys.

smubs i jio 3 to go for CEP le. 1 wants to do sai gang haha.

studying ain't fun, unless u have a group of frens who ask u which animal in africa is the deadliest, and what is the only way you can kill a hippo.

to be frank, i haven't started much on my studying yet. had Creative Thinking over the past two days, in preparation for our installation art. yesterday was the real thing. and i had loads of fun. Shall post some pictures after exams =)

and today is already thursday. dunno how to pia. shall return to my studying. happy studying.

dear michelle thank you so much for the book! it is one of the books i really want to have. and plus u gave it to me in front of those ppl who recommended me that book. thanks lots.

today had meeting with mich, vic and zf at smu. haha out of the 3, the oldest was the one who 'wowed' the loudest and the longest abt smu. haha. apologies for not bringing u ppl ard more.

quite productive. we kinda got the whole program out. need approval. and fine-tuning. and close co-operation among all the houses and the exco. =) vesak will be fun. i will look forward to it, if not for the looming exams next week. and Ct tmr and wed. and bgs report. haha. life is interesting ain't it?

monday 6pm
Vesak @ SBM meeting

tues 12pm
CT meeting

wed 12pm (i presume)
Ct

thurs dinner

fri

how to study?!?

after watching Campus Superstar, i have some thoughts on our individual school culture and identity. before i begin, i must say i m glad that the boy won.

secondly, i think the boy did HC super duper proud. and when u see all the fellow students cheering for them, u recognise this identity. like that one boy winning equals all teh hc ppl winning. makes me nostalgic once again.

SUNDAY

went for meeting at sbm. after which, lj, hwee, mich, zf, vic and i went to the kitchen and cleaned like half the auntie's food. ppl outside listening to talk, we inside eating.

anyway, veask at sbm will be an interesting 4 to 5 days =) 2550 lotuses. house of sariputta!

came home and helped sq read some stuff. must say he really spent the whole of sunday doing it. try my best to help =) hope he gets the bloomberg internship.

sometimes, we do things, not for a reason. probably there is some hidden reasons. but most of the time, i do sth cos i want to do it. no reasons required. if i dowan to do sth, then i jus won't do it lor.

went for piano lesson. i always enjoy the journey home from piano teacher's house, even though it is a one hour journey. not too hot, nice to walk among the terraces.

nice talking to piano teacher. we talk abt a lot of things (though we shd be practising the piano). but she kinda puts things into perspective. so fast year 2 le. she always lament time passes too fast. i hope she will find some optimism in life. there must be some thing she look forward to in life =)

another saturday burnt in sch

miracles do not appear without effort put in. this is wat i jus told my brother.

had a good meeting with smubs this morning. with hwee, ss, kc, ryan, vee and kelvin. we sat in a circle in a big classroom, and listened to hwee's analogies abt matrix and star wars. then we did some meditation. we had fun, learning how to breathe all over again, feeling all the jerks in our limbs and trying not to make noises or move while meditating. it was a good experience, though i think we still feel a bit wierd, given that this is many of our first time.

i think many of us raised pertinent questions, which arose in us, as we talked more abt buddhism. siu asked who our parents really are. and i believed some of the guys were askign abt the different realms of existence.

I m really touched by your attendance today. and for ppl who din turn up but msg me as well, thank you very much. i know i can count on ur guys to help me make the society a success, or we will die valiently together while trying (no we won't die).

during metta meditation, i was thinking of a lot of ppl. i could not concentrate on any one person. 2 ppl came into my mind. they were my ex-school mates from jc. the gal was my sec 3 and sec 4 classmate. she had tongue cancer, which manifested during the a levels period. and i only found out 1 year later during christmas, when the papers featured her in a christmas special to remind readers to chrish those ard us. the other was a rugger, who injured himself in a rugby game and landed up in ICU. apparently, he was paralysed waist-down, even though he is slowly regaining his movement. so i really wished for them to be well and happy.

all the above, i found out from my fren , who is in france. Si, I am so envious of you! for someone whop does not fancy eye candy, she told me that eye candy was everywhere in france! awwww. hope u r enjoying urself over there!

went down to renci. it was a nice little home. we had a little sesion with alison, think she is like some planner or financial person there. we introduced ourselves before each house was sent to a different ward. house of sariputta was assigned ward c3, which was a ladies ward. most of the ladies there were senile or had dementia. however, i was impressed at my young members' initiative. i distributed the biscuits and sent them off to offer to teh elderly. you could see the young onesholding the elderly's hands, speakign to them and really showing their care and concern. I was really touched by their gesture.

went back to sch to study. not productive, what is new. but i enjoy the company :) really wished to have joined u guys for cheesecake at siglap, if i was not so tired. abundant apologies.

tmr i have meeting at sbm. followed by piano lessons.

I think today I mended a friendship with a fren. and i think 2 ppl know abt it too. i m jus happy la. and siu and i are on a mission to mend friendships. friendships which have been strained by the exam stress. and so far, i think we have seen a grand total of ONE successful case. we hope to see ourselves as having played a part in mending the friendship, but even if we weren't, it is alright. we are into this together man! =) right my other half?

guess overall, today was a super touching day.

tonight watched E.I.C. in smu. they are so much better than ppl who scream into mikes and play noise. this shows taht a band need to always play to pounding heartbeats, or deafening the ears. and the indian is good vocalist.

today was teh last day in sch. shared a subway sandwich with siu. that is what we always do :) then went for AS class, where we had a debate on the motion: This house believes that pornography should be banned. My stand was that it should be banned, but we felt that the proposition team presented a better argument. so the proposition won.

after which, we hung ard our usual hang out, Kiliney kopitiam. then went to our classroom. then went to help out in CT preparation. think it was fun! university students (mostly gals and 2 men) painting cardboard, punching holes, acting as chickens, all for an installation art. however, i think it is precisely the lack of such bonding activities in university, and the nature of the modular lessons, that people in ur life are just flitting shadows.

sometimes, ppl are insensitive to others, and they don't learn. i actually felt a tinge of jealousy, before smiling it off. that person was just being insensitive. and looking at recent events, that person din learn from previous lesson. i wanted to raise thet point, which could have made thet person more sensitive from now on, yet i chose to smile it off.

nowadays, i have enough hours of sleep. yet i m tired. i know the quality of sleep is now there, though the quantity is chalked up. and i m returning to my old self again. haiz. never learn.

uncle dell emailed me today, invited me to US. so i had this instinct to go and fill up all my activities for this summer hols. exciting hols coming up, wat with germany world cup 2006 :) haha i shd invite ppl over to my house to watch man. i think i can go in July, cos may will be taken up by summer term in smu, june by ISP shanghai, if i get it. so july. good time. hope weather is not too cold. otherwise i have to pile up on the lotions and creams.

tmr morning smubs meeting.

hello uncle dell! i hope u r readin this! still wondering how u got to this blog haha. how is life, hanging out at coffee joints and chasing speedy around in ur backyard? hope he does not trample all over the vegetables u grow :)

some ppl may know that I have been staying back to study in sch. thank you for all your concerns. I stay back in sch to study with my frens.

presentations are over. still got 1 more project and 1 more presentation due. tmr is teh last day of sch. and i will be in uni year 2! time sure flies past.

from sec sch to jc, i guess i din need much fitting in. however, from jc to uni, i needed quite a bit of time to settle down. right now, i guess i can safely say i have a few groups of frens, who are more than just hi-bye friends. some of us jus became frens. yet within a short time, we became real good frens, talk ing abt anything. mb it could be due to smubs. mb due to other reasons. i dunno. others have survived with me for 2 semesters la. we going to survive thru summer term too. we may bicker and quarrel. we may be concern abt our frens and try to patch up strained relationships, esp at this period of the semester when everyone is super stresed up. but all our actions stem from good intentions.

and yes. my frens have classified me as gullible. i prefer to think of it as trusting. got tricked/sabo-ed in class one morning. whole class laughed. and the story spread far and wide. so yup, ppl think they can trick me now haha. ignorance is bliss. why grow up so fast? peter pan in never-never land

so many thigns have happened. was swept by a wave of nostalgia a few days back. haven't felt like that for a pretty long time. perhaps it went missing. yet when it returned, it came back with twice the dosage.

Hey girl - Click 5 Hey girl,I wanna catch your wave Hey girl,I wanna drift away with you Hey girl,you've got an undertow Hey girl,hey girl, don't wanna let you go

Hey girl,I wanna catch your waveHey girl,I wanna drift away with youHey girl,you've got an undertowHey girl,hey girl, don't wanna let you go

Hakuna Matata

Hakuna Matata
It means no worries
For the rest of your day
it's our trouble free
philosophy
Hakuna Matata

Jus when I was complaining, hh came up with this Hakuna Matata. think there is a similar phrase in Lilo and Stitch right? Aloha? Ohana? means no one is left out?

I really dowan to leave ppl out. and i hope my fren will not be angry with me anymore. sometimes, it just takes a little more effort to maintain a friendship. When the going gets tough, I am sorry I start to cut slack for myself, perhaps even hampering the progress of ppl ard it. been witnesing it ard me.

thank you to my frens, who are alwasy there to help me. Was chatting with big ryan not ryan melon oops) and we were talkign abt how when the going gets tough, the level of maturity shows. i really enjoy talking to him. becos he is a really big teddy bear.

sleeping at 330 in the morning somehow is not as bad as irritable sleep. tho i have to come back and replenish my slp after a day in sch. haha.

and yes for sariputtians, got impt msg for u. if u haven't been to sariputta blog, pls go there now! =) gonna be exciting upcoming times

was in sch on a sun. with my best fren of cos. show u wat this sweetish gal sent me. siu, hope u don't mind me posting it:

THE LOLA SONG
Some say Coke, some say Qoo
I am talking about Lola Foo
I think she is very the nice
And her IQ is bigger than her eyes

Exams are coming so I sing this song
BGS is going ar, going, gone
One more week left of stupid school
Brains already turn to cotton wool

Last time to mug and pia and chiong
Do it for cutish, Prof Leong
Though the next week will seem damm long
Think of how you zhou lu hui you feng
Last verse now, what can I sayJ
ust be happy and bright and ga
yCan count on two hands, left a few more day
Just do it man, don't play play!!

Heehee,Siu2

btw, this sweeetish gal is my smubs vp. see the crazy things smu ppl do? haha thanks a lot gal!

today in sch, we had a thought-provoking session (wat's new?) we talked abt love, family, abortion. sq is jus the positive optimistic guy while i was a bit more cynical and skeptical. however, i did think hard abt all that we talked abt. and i think that ultimately children matter. dunno why i m thinking abt such stuff now, but whether or not they are deformed, retarded, they will bring a family closer. that is if u have the financial, the commitment and the love i guess.

and my $1,000,000 question: would u abort a baby if it is found to be deformed or retarded? if u are a guy, and ur wife does not want to abort but u want to, will u still insist on aborting?

Happy 21st birthday Alvin Liew Shixiong! cannot bully small gals anymore hor...

jus came back from sx's 21st birthday bash at downtown east chalet. It was nice, as so many ppl snuggled onto teh beds, played snakes and ladder, and lindy, ryan, cherie and I ended at the rejects' table. Hwee came along and asked if we wanted to go meditate at changi beach. ended up ryan, amanda,lindy, cherie and i packed into hwee's ah beng mitsubishi and trooped down to changi beach. must saythat the changi bungalows are pretty packed on a saturday. There was even one bungalow with all malays and they boomed like their prayers i believe.

The moment we arrived, one cat came to us. However, throughout the half and hour we were there, it did not pounce on any of us. the waves were nice to listen. there were planes above us, speedboats before us. and teh waved jus kept splashing, as if it had been splashing all tehse years, regardless of whether we were there to witness it.

my house is in a mess. mess of clothes, mess of books, mess of people, mess of feelings. but i m not even home most of the time! think today i will get down to clearing my stuff, doing my Creative Thinking journal and go for sx's bday party.

1 more week of sch, then study break, then exams. can't wait for exams to be over. really wanna resume my smubs. so many activities to do.

as for my family, i dunno how to motivate my brother. seriously. he must be good in sth. why not channel his energy to studies? jus for the next half a year to go. if he does not, then we have to bear all the nonsese taht arise because of us who are concerned abt his studies. everyone is concerned. yet everyone displa their concern different and may end up hurting each other.

and bgs meeting. enough of bgs pls. i m sick of sch. sick ofbgs. life does not revolve ard bgs. it is one of the 40+ modules i have to take at smu. i dowanna think anymore. i need some peace and quiet in my life. pls. return me the quietness in my house.

i know i cuold be doing sth abt it, rather than whining. that is why i stay in sch to study. but then this is my house! i have to be awakened by the most unpleasant voice in the morning, fussing over me and my breakfast.

last night, i jus felt an annoymous wave of anger in me. i was not even allowed abreath or a sigh in my house. everyone is jus preoccuppied in their little cocoons. we need to open up. and spread the love. in our lives. wat is life abt really?

been in a business sch has made me want to think alot, esp now. Instead of simply understanding how alpha and beta amylopectin coil, or th helical structural held together by hydrogen bonds, I m learnign abt human relationships. whether you are in business, accountancy, economics, social science, it is all abt human relations.

my best fren WL says i m disiullusioned. I don't think so. ppl like hh will say i m too inexperienced to be disillusioned. was doing the creative thinking 1000 word journal due next week. was throwing up ideas for sq. all the subjects i raise, i can only link to the society creating a void within our selves. this void cannot be filled by grades, material possessions. so what if u attain ur goal? so wat if u fail? sometimes u don't get a second chance. mb this void cannot be filled up. or this void is beyond life and death.

think abt it: blogging is a way of expresssing one's opinions. why not write it in a diary? mb it is a form of exhibitionism. why do ppl like to publicise their thoughts? maybe they feel they are not getting attention. why do ppl feel that they are not getting enough attention? maybe the rat race, teh reality is robbing them of their identity, creating a void in this fragile soul.

i like the idea of prostitution being a form of commoditising our bodies. more importantly, wat struck me was that we as students are commoditising ourselves, packagin ourselves, with our a levels, bachelors, to promote ourselves to our prospective employers. and the fact that employers are finding it hard to call in ppl for interviews is because we are geting too similar. we are losing our identity. this is akin to us forming a queue behind a washing machine, taking turns to brainwsh ourselves VOL:UNTARILY as a daily ritual. or like teh oven, where good cookies are ackaged nicely whereas the burnt or deformed ones are simply dumped into the bin.

I m losing it here man. but to update abt my life. today i was in sch the whole day la. supposed to meet sq at 10am. i was lae, but he was even later. haha went for lunch with sj, ss, hh, chris.and chris the handsome has his chritopher-the-great blog! congrats haha. then study. bgs meeting. study. exciting life huh?

tmr will have MA. going for lesson jus to support ryan's grp presentation tmr. tmr's lesson not tested and my frens encouraged me not to go. but still go la. then eat lunch alone :( then AS. then ISP shanghai briefing. hope i can go for this trip in june. then go for CT meeting. then watch free movie in sch with siu. time to relax.

and i wanna sign up for the IMF/World Bank thing as an usher! anyone, pls sign up with me!!!!!

I am really glad that a presentation that I have dreaded over the past 12 weeks is finally over. though it was not exactly the most brilliant presentation, I am just relieved. going for celebratory dinner with my kakis later. in sch. must describe more abt our bgs presentation. we had interesting dissuants. the only chinese is mr. benson phua, ceo of esplande and sentosa (i believe). 2 angmohs. 1 was an investment guy. 1 was working in Phillips. interesting. they were nice. din slam us even tho we were really bad. need to do more home work is a good way of saying we need to research more. I kinda knew it long ago. however, i procrastinate. I was prepared to give up on bgs le. it is probably 1 of the 40+ modules i have to take in smu. however, I need to grab this opportunity and make good out of it. this presentation is not graded, tho it prob gives prof an impression. however, our report is 40% of our bgs marks. hence, we need to work hard! =) come on! it is sth that is within our control! =) trying to keep my spirits high. seriously. finally =)

well, haven't been updating for a while. exams are nearing. and everyone is just not feeling good. i m glad i have frens. in sch and in sbm and my bestest frens.
some ppl jus have the capability to feel good and happy all day long. i will aim myself towards that. not that i m not happy or anything :) i m always happy =) haha
been provoked into thinking a lot recently. like how have i changed after becoming involved in sbm. what has impacted my life or affected my outlook of life. if u have been thinking abt such things, and you have an answer for urself, that is good :)
i m always happy :) and i really enjoy the sincere happiness laughters of michelle, jiayi, lindy, selina, winglam, huiyi, meiyin, and so many ppl. u know it when someone is really sincere when laughing and someone who is faking. but even if one is faking, he/she is prob trying his/her best to fake.
sometimes, we may hurt others when we care too much. does that mean we stop caring? maybe we should care from other angles/ perspectives. what ever we do, just knwo in ur heart we do because we care for each other, even though we may come with diferent agendas.
as for my study buddies, thanks for being there durig exam period. think it is important for us to be there for each other. like dinner. like being driven ard. eating teochew porridge =) i guess this gives a balance to our life.
As for frens i haven't seen, i think effort has to be effected from all parties. sometimes meetign face to face is better than the face-less MSN.
don't worry. it is jus the period of the semester. when the semester is over, in 4 weeks, all these will probably seem so insignificant when i look back :)

well. tired. good day. thought provoking. random emotions and feelings.

I am currently sitting in a Management Accouting lesson, listening to a business plan selling guitars, awaiting MA quiz. It has been a busy week, and I am going to end off the week with an Analytical Skills presentation this afternoon. All of SBMY is at retreat now. Wish I could go.

Monday

was home with grandma. my little nephew of 8 months came. he is so cute! he does not cry nor bug u or beg for attention. he simply plays ard, rolling ard on the mattress, and putting anything he can lay his hands on into his mouth, as he is teething. was doing BGS research.

Tuesday

had Creative Thinking with Margaret Chan. We visited an Indian/Hindu temple, Sri Krishna Temple. It is the one at Waterloo St, near sch. Margaret was telling us stories of Lord Ganesh. My fav story is the one where God of Wealth threw a party to flaunt her wealth and invited Lord Ganesh's mum. Lord Ganesh's mum sent her little son, but warned God of Wealth that he eats non-stop. Not surprisingly, he ate all his food, ate other ppl's food, ad started eating the plates. God of Wealth ran to find his mother and his mother gave her some rice grains to feed him. After eating those rice grains, Lord Ganesh was full! Moral of the story: Material wealth is nothing if we do not plant/sow seeds of goodess in ppl.

stayed in sch lib till 11pm. found out my BGS presentation is next week instead of week after! That sets all the gears rolling!

Wednesday

had econs in the morning. first thing in the morning when i went to my inbow, there was the email I have been waiting for for 2 weeks!!! the email of approval to use our sch's address for our application for SMUBS!!! YAY! now can send in the application finally. and await 2 months for their approval =)

speaking of which, my frens actually tried to ask if there were alternatives to "B-S", which they think is an international acromyn for Bull. ANy suggestions?

Thursday

spent my day at home again, studying for Fri's MA quiz and AS presentation. 'then my little nephew came with his elder sis, who is coming to 2 years old. babies are so cute. if only they don't grow big. attachment.

Friday

now. MA quiz. AS presentation. gonna be studyig with ss, sq and sj in sch.

Saturday

BGS mtg. for our BGS presentation on wed

Sunday

cancelled my piano lesson. in case need to meet for BGS. if not, STUDY!

Wednesday

this is the day i m looking forward to. after my BGS presentation. no more stress. no more readings.

I am worried abt my results tho. I don't speak up in CT. din do well in biz law presentation. din do well for BGS quizzes or MA quizzes. and AS individual assignment and our presnetation today. there are so few things within our control. i want to get over wed, then look forward to end of week 13, then exams, then start going to our sch's fishtank gym.

and yes. MA project due this sun. haha =)

sometimes, we just cannot work with the people we want, or we like, or just people who work the same way as you do. so if you get to work with people you like, you should be grateful. only when you see the dark will u appreciate the bright. now that presentations are piling up, must appreciate people ard me even more. for they have been tolerant of all my nonsense. time to grow out of it =) happy retreat!

well well. had a very interesting wekkend.
went to Aingapore Arts Museum with siu and sq on fri evening. it is free admission after 6pm on Fridays. so to save on $1.50 on each of us, we waited between 3.30pm to 6, slacking in kiliney and watching funny movie clips. haha. we also handed in consent forms to ms chen, and raised our right hands crossing the road haha

SAM was fun. din have a chance to view all the paintings when we came for Creative Thinking class. the last time we started from the abstratc/cubism art. it was refreshing to start deom a different section. i think i don't like cubic art more than realistic art. jus me. i like definite stuff. not blurred stuff.

then tried to study after that. siu was rushing her biz law report in 1.5 hours. sq was trying to study w/o falling asleep.end up talk a lot of rubbish.

SJ call me a pangseh-er, cos i can't go for m'sia trip, which he initialy told me was grfom 30 may to 2 july. the real one is 30 june to 2 july. i don't wanna spend my bday overseas! haha anyway, i jus pangseh them on sat night, cos i was at sbm for MOAT trainig. lack discipline. but it was fun. an i won't be going for retreat. so this is rprob the best time to learn the dance.

sat morning went for meeting. glad we met up and discuss la. 5 heads better than 1 head, many SMS-es and MSN. went for SMU OPen House Social Science talk. it was a good talk. because it was not so much of selling the school, but more of like the job prospects out there, and how the speakers' education in social sci/economics, anthropology, sociology, has helped them to think, learn and integrate themselves in their business, journalism, politics and education. our speakers were Mdm Lin-Ho Geok Chin, MP for West COast GRC i believe;Ms Claire Chiang, prob could be one of my idols; 2 profs and Mr. Rcio, news anchor at BBC world. Each of tehm presented a good talk. Mdm Lim-Ho on the real facts out there in Singaproe, what employers want; Ms Chiang on corporate social responsibility; and mr. Rico on how his education in journalism, biz and econs had carved a niche for himself. He started out as a coffee boy for editors. finally 20 later, he is with a world-premiere news station.

It also set me thinking what sort of working life i want. i will have to seek out more options and people's opinions.

then went to sbm. as usual, sbm was a fun place and time to spend. sariputtians are addicted to folding lotuses! law and kaiyi shared many stories on buddha after he gained enlightenment. I twas good. my fav is upali. he is so cute! haha

for Creative thinking next week, we are going to sri krishna temple. believe it is the one next to si4 ma3 lu4 guan1 yin1 miao4. interesting.

today, 3 of my fish died. i think many of my fish have died before. yet today, i felt something for my 3 fish which had died. i think mb in the past, my parents would simply dump the dead fish while i was in sch and i nve got to see them being taken out of thej tank and thrown away. yet today, my brother and i tried to revive the fish. we got buckets of water and tried to change water for tehm, not not as proficient as my mum. 2 of the lying fish revived, tho 3 still died.

had my first smubs meeting. nice to see 7 ppl turn up & of cos Hwee koko =) basically we went through our proposal, focussing on the activities we will be doing. most of the people we approach will first ask what activities we intend to do. and we showed them our Ehi-Passiko camp video and Vesak Day @ Orchard video. Must say it is a good fire of letting us see for ourselves what the camp is really like, instead of simply by narration or 'hearsay' (from me that is)

well, now is like the period of time when school work is piling, presentations are coming, reports due, and of cos exams. i m not sure if i shd meet them weekly or wait till exams end le then officially start. that will be 6 weeks from now. still waiting to hand up my ROS application. waiting for ONE letter. and that process of application will take 2 months.

mb will bring everyone down to SBM once. hope to make it a monthly/bi-monthly thing? my secretary is going to plan for temple visits (otherwise fondly refered to as temple-hopping) sbm can go thru whole puja, meditation, and see our clowns entertain us for free.

oh ya, currently, we have 12 members. hopefully they will grab more of their frens after seeing what activities we gonna do. tho i must say i think some ppl may not be comfortable with activities, like camps and stuff. simply here to learn abt buddhism and dharma. will have to sort that out and provide a comfortable niche. no worries :)

if u have frens coming to smu, ask them join smubs!

who are your friends? have you ever thought abt it? i mean hi-bye friends, close friends, good friends, best friends, very best friends, favourite friends? Do you remember during Primary 6, when you had to write in your friend's diaries things like "roses are red, violets are blue..."

I must say my closest frens are from my sec sch days. since sec 1. my closest best fren, who currently knows what happens to everything in my life even tho we are in different schools. she was the shortest in class and i was the tallest =) we call each other after each driving lesson and complain about all the mishaps and inconsiderate drivers. nonetheless, both of us passed. more importantly, i am glad our friedship survived for so long.

basically we have a clique of four ppl. me, WL, HY and MY. since sec 1. long way we have come. coming to 8 years. may our friendship last.

next, i had a grp of good frens in sec 3/4. they were all indons. we often hung out tog after exams. sometimes, they would all break into bahasa malayu and leave me blur. nonetheless, they will remmeber me and revert back to english. we are no longer in touch anymore, tho we have each other's msn. most of them are studying in US. nonetheless, we make an effort to meet up everytime they come back to singapore.

thirdly, more recently, i love my sariputta gals. even tho i m the eldest, i think they provide me with more support than i can ever provide for them individually. they allow us to care for each other, by letting each other get into our lives. it is not easy to get involved in one's life, especially if you have a defensive shield ard u. nonetheless, somehow there are no secrets among us.

fourthly, in my jc years, i have my bishan club aka TBA (Thomson Basketball Club). As much as i would like to relive those days, 2 years of JC is simply too short. and my prata cum ice cream gang - you know who u r- all those late nights, morning breakfasts..

fifthly, now in uni, i can consider to have my own "gang". we complain to each other a lot. to keep each other in the loop. we support each other in whatever we do. and my gang is going to form SMUBS. hehe

Jus had my MA presentation . over le. I enjoyed working with this group. I learnt to use Excel =) I also went shopping with my members in supermarket to get prices of vegetables. Our project is supposed to be a bar selling asian fast food. Fun. We came up with like char siew sandwiches with abalone sauce and wasabi.

Mum, thanks for waking up early to help me make 3 loaves worth of sandwiches for my project. Really really appreciate e ur support in whatever I do. Whether it is joining basketball, council, sbm, smu, doing project, u always help me out and nvr put me down. Like in pro sch art, haha, every year do art folio, I would have gotten a kiam chai file.

Got 50% for ma. Need to start studying. business law also. somehow this semester, i seem to be screwing up. no heart to study. not no time. econs. somehow i think i m the kind who studies from the picture and zoom in. so i have to wait till the big picture has been taught before i see the big picture and zoom in.

Went for Hwée koko's talk yesterday. even tho it was meant to cater to working adults, i think it was applicable in our daily lifes as well. i have been trying to wake up consistently at 645.
My frens in sch have been really stressed out after coming back from last week's break. A lot of it is regarding human relationships. not bgr. but like disliking ur grp mates.

On a happier note, it is the weekend! means time for studies =(

well, today's BGS lesson was a learning experience as usual. Today we talked about high trust and low trust countries. I was assigned Japan, which is a super high trust country. high trust or low trust does not equal to good or bad. it simply implies whether the citizens will trust strangers easily. so if i ask u whetehr u will trust a complete stranger u meet on teh streets and ask tehm take care of your wallet while utie your shoelaces. Will you?

reading the BGS readings is tough, and usually sleep-inducing. However, the discussion taht entails is often good and i enjoy it, though i don't speak much. my friends refuse to believe taht I am an introvert.

tmr wil be meeting sbm at awareness place! anyone has a (laser) pointer? pls msg me and lemme know.

fri i have a presentation. it is basically supposed to present a business plan. tmr is my first and only rehearsal haha. oh man. impromptu. just whack attitude.

today my friends attended FOrt Minor's concert. Wel the concert started at 8pm and my frens called me to tell me they had 4 free tickets! was tempted to go, but was already on the bus home. had to prepare for fri's presentation la. Haiz wasted

lindy was supposed to perform on fri at st andrew's for her school prefect investiture. however, the cathedral will be used for Justice Laí's funeral. so no more performance :(

today no sch. mon. studying for biz law mid term exam tmr. this week is going to be a whirlwind week again. which week isn't? learn to enjoy the wind in your hair =)

mon: study biz law

tues:
1. Margaret Chan is bringing us to the SIngapore Arts Museum for our first Creative Thinking lesson (more on this further down)
2. MA meeting rehearsal
3. Biz Law exam. Yikes!

wed:
1. Econs lesson
2. BGS haiz

thurs:
1. MA mtg
2. AS mtg
3. Hwee koko's talk at Awareness Place

fri:
1. MA presentation
2.AS - sth is due - forgot wat
3. lindee's performance!!! Who wanna come watch lindee's performance with me?

sat:
our first meeting Whee!

sun: piano lesson

and my week will be over. just like that. now taht it is week 9, can't wait for week 15 to come and go and i can dive into all the happening events!

yes Margaret Chan is my prof in SMU. She is also the head of Office of Student Life. She is bringing us to visit SIngapore Art Museum on our first lesson. and guess wat? below 21 have to get parents to sign consent form. when i showed my mum, she laughed at me la. not sarcastic or anything. it was quite amusing. well, legality bounds us by our age haha

and yes, selina is coming with me to watch lindy's performance on friday night. any more takers?

Good bye Zekui, I hope you have a good time at Down Under, tanning by the beach and watching hot hunks surfing amongst sharks-infested waters.

came home early once to keep granny company. thankfully. there was no one at home.hopefully we will have someone with ehr all the time. take turns. only a week. 3 more weeks to go. :)

to cherie, i hope all has been cleared up. i think you are very decisive regarding school matters. If you wanna switch back to JC again, we will fuly support you all the way. I believe you will do ur best wherever you are placed in. so fret not and look forward with excitement.

to selina: study hard and all the best for ur exams

to lindy: i wanna watch ur concert. update me with details. will drag my frens along hehe

to mich: happy birthday my darling

to jiayi: call me if anything yah?

to HWEE: we will support you for ur talk on thurs! no worries man!

to daryl: study hard. and play tennis hard hehe

sat shall be our first mtg

jus cut my hair. "shaggy" style. I prob lok like a dog now haha.

Had my dinner with my sariputta sisters and brother. I enjoyed singing the "HAPPY BORTHDAY" song loudly for dear darling Michelle. We always do stoopid things together. like taking photos of Lindy with her goldfish face, fighting between Hwee and Mich. Heh and clearing Jiayi away with the dishes. Sel and me are the most rational and sensible -blush-

Why is the tomato red?

Woke up this morning. Went to cut hair. Was updating my mum abt news of Thailand and Philipines. Read about the China people in SIngapore working very hard. they gae me inspiration, but i am not sure if this fire will last. "Fire come easy, extinguish also easy"

Bought California handroll for my mum. She loves sushi. and Western food. SOmehow she does not fancy din sum herself. Mb cos she sees them everyday.

It takes courage to live one's dreams.

Looking forward to SMUBS first meeting. hope to meet with the members. They have been really nice and co-operative in giving me their personal details and in liasing with me. wanna thank them a lot a lot. and of cos my COO, CFO and CSO. always helping me fill forms and volunteering to open bank account and organising meetings. Thank you thank you. keep our spirits high high into the sky!

cos the tomato was embarrassed.
Why was the tomato embarrassed?

alrighty folks, ready for a mega update?

Here I m sitting in a Group Study Room in School of Accountancy, updating my blog, as I am one hour early for meeting. Today is the official opening of our Li Ka Shing Library. I just witnessed Minister Mentor Lee Kuan Yew, Minister of Education Tharman Shamugaratnam and Dr. Li Ka Shing's arrival. These 3 super duper people are today's GOH. and guess what? LKY did come in a Benz. came in this golden car. Car plate: 8___

This week was recess week. Had a busy, fun week. Though there is still lots to catch up. Lots to think through.

Friday
Marks the end of half a semester. Somehow wondered what I have been doing over the past 7 weeks. When I look at my MA, or during today's AS lesson, I really have no idea what the prof is talking about. Nonetheless, I decided I shall pick up the pieces over the mid-semester recess week. In fact, I had so much to look forward to: Sat Zk's farewell, Mon visit to huiyi's house, tues outing to ECP

Went out for dinner with Siu, HH, Viny, KC, SJ, Chris, Jas to hold a secret bday party for Siu. happy belated 20th bday! Hope you had fun!
went to the esplanade, where we relived all the previous semester's jokes. realise how fast time has flown. last semester's jokes were not this semester's jokes.

Saturday
had SBM. Who is the Buddha? The Enlightened One. I will remember forever. Went to Kaiyi's house for ZK's farewell. Had loads of fun. Coburn played bball until his specs broke and fell into the drain. Lincoln is ever so cute, despite the BBQ fire, he was prim and proper and all buttoned up. Lindy came back from airport to join us. Jiayi was busy BBQ-ing. Michelle was dunno doing what. Selina could not join us cos of Exams. Jiayou Sel! Daryl came too and was BBQ-ing the veg food hehe

Sun
piano lesson
I am going to take Grade 6 piano exams this sept (hopefully) my teacher gave me the form to apply le. I most scared of singing. Cos I can't reach the high notes after A (which is not very high really)

Monday
Went to collect new car with mum. auto car. I prob need orientation with it all over again. i think the sitting capacity is smaller than the older car, tho my mum says it shd be bigger cos it is a bigger car with bigger capacity and bigger boot. oh well.

Outing to Huiyi's house. Whee. She rented her house at $600 at Holland V, inclusive of utilities and stuff. she did up her room too. nice room. Went to eat at Pepper Lunch, which was interesting, altho a bit ex$. watched pink Panther. The first movie of the year on 20 feb. wanted to shop at isetan but they closed early for their D & D! haha they had these brown papers which they placed over their merchandise. prevent leaking water from soiling their clothes? bought a pair of jeans at 50%. now need to start wearing it.

I always buy jeans but don't wear them.

I had to go home for dinner, as my maid has left for Colombo for a month and there is no one to stay at home and take care of my grandmother. I think one's company is important. Jus have to
stay at home. No need to do anything for her. Jus be at home.

Tuesday
collected Singpass this morning with siu. could have simply applied online. waste everypone's time.

went to brewerkz with my fren. 4 gals shared 2 main courses and a huge choc cake. Their portions are humongous. next time i go, i wanna try their sausages. my frens had to share veg pizza with me, as all their pizzzas were beef. hmmm. the beans weren't nice. the choc cake was nice tho. yum yum.

went to ECP. chilled out. sit on the breakwater and chill. spoke abt a lot of things. I think one of the breakthrough i had was talking abt nt getting into medical school. It was my dream. Now i tell ppl it it requires courage and bravery to live oné dreams. I din get a chance to. pluck up the courage of u want to live your dreams.

Wednesday
Had MA meeting. productive. I like my MA grp. me and jacq did the presentation while the guys fought over Excel. ben koh plays excel when ppl are playing dota. he was red like a lobster. and he bought nice chwee kuay or us from outside his house.

studied with siu, hh. sj and sq came over and ka-chiao us. haha SESS level 4 is like a cosy level. I like that place.

Went home for dinner. you now know the reason.

Thursday
Had AS mtg. sorry guys, I was unprepared. Nonetheless, think the meeting was a good wake-up call for me to start buck up for AS. Went to drop my books, optician. I can't wear my contact lens as they are from Baush and Loumb. So went to get new solution and repair my specs. satisfied.

Did up ROS form. As of today (fri), all 10 members have submitted particulars. now i need letter of consent from sch to use the sch's address as our official business address.

Friday
in sch now for BGS mtg. later meeting siu again. then going out for dinner with my 5 daughters of Mara. & Mara himself of cos. haha

My mum today asked me why must monks beg for alms? Why do monks not work from 9 to 5? they can chant say at 6am, return home at 7pm then do whatever they have to do?
I din know how to answer her. Everytime I share sth with my mum, she always ask me questions which i can't answer. I think i need to learn more. and learn to be more convincing.

hi guys, haven't posted anything in a while. will post sth later in sch!

Had Econs and BGS today.
For the first time in the past seven weeks, I actually tried to pay attention during Econs class.

Reasons:
1. There was an ang moh sitting in the class to assess our prof's teaching.
2. the group presenting this week only had 3 members, instead of the usual 5, and 2 of them were my friends, so must support.
3. The topic they presented was interesting -handphone wrap, G-mask

We did an evaluation on Prof. Always saying she talks too softly, or talks to the floor, such that I can't hear her, follow her and always get lost. So time to put it down in feedback to show I really mean what i complain.

then prof showed this hilarious MTV on GDP, market values. quite disheartening. has the effect of making u feel so small that u can't do much to help. Haven't you had that helplessness, when u wish u could jus help teh child who is starving, or the woman planting? they don't get the chance to go to sch, to talk abt GDP, women's rights, child labour. we do! yet we can't do anything abt it. or can we?

then siu din come to sch. so poor laura had to spend the afternoon alone while waiting for bgs lesson. BGS lesson was ok la. i realise i m learning somethign in prof's lesson. I mean i can read up before the lesson. but his lessons focus not jus on the contents, but teh hidden agendas of teh stories which i could nvr have deciphered on my own. and that is the difference between a local prof and a ang moh prof. in this case, he forces u to think. to change ur way of thinking. to derieve ur thoughts from the facts that are out there. i m starting to enjoy the readings - the topics and contents are interesting, nonetheless tedious. i enjoy the discovery process during his lesson. tho i still have to learn to speak up.

Next week is mid term break. so many things to study. WHY? because i nvr study over teh past 7 weeks. except when MA quizzes or econs mid term came by. need to really study hard for biz law mid term. think i prob screwed up my bgs report, and on my way to screwing up my biz law mid term. ARGH

MA test on fri, then after which me, ss, viny, jas, hh, kc, sj are going to celebrate end of mid-term!the beginning of midterm break marks the start of revision. so much work due after mid term break, so many tests. 1 month to squeeze everything in. and Creative thinking is gonna start. With Dr Margaret Chan.

Anyone knows what ROC stands for?

D called me today to tell me religious CCAs r not under them and threw me to another organisation. P couldn't meet me today to advise me on what to do. I really hope to hand in this proposal and get the thumbs up. too much is at stake. my frens are really excited over it. so are my expectations. have to push thru all the way. I have started the ball rolling, so keep the momentum going.

wish i could play the keyboard. i have invites, but i have to decline cos i really dunno how to. Learn la laura! shall attempt.

i can't go for March retreat, cos that fri i have a test and a presentation. argh. i wanna go. if i wanna go, i could prob finish preparations for my test and presnetation earlier and sneak in on wed, after a full day in sch, tho i doubt i can finish.

I have finally realised what it means when adults say their work never ends. when one thing is done, there are always otehr things to do. more readings. but i m not complaining.

recently, love is in the air. happy valentine's day. i will be spending my valentine with four girls :) do use this opportunity to thank not jus ur precious half, but also relations u appreciate, like ur parents, siblings, family, friends, good friends. u may think it is an excuse for singles who do not have dates on this cupid's day, but if u really like ur precious half, everyday shd be valentine's day.

u realise taht i put good friends last in the list above. the better the frens, the more you tend to take advantage of them. i think friendships beyond the cursory level are hard to come by. so cherish ur frens and good frens :)

i wish ppl ard me would stop generalising abt rj ppl. there are indiv who are annoyed with indivs. everyone is entitled to own viewpoints. perhaps it could be jus the working style. but there are realy nice ppl from rj.

Went to send my cousin off at the airport. He is going on an internship in China for half a year. He brought along his gr. Haha. So interesting. She is a bubbly girl. Really nice and talkative and clicked with us. Love is in the air!

Tuesday
Went to sch at noon to complete BGS. I feel really guilty for not being able to contribute towards discussion because I can’t relate/link the leagal concepts together. So, I volunteered to do next week’s questions all by myself J I m glad I volunteered. Cos only then will I force myself to do.
Biz Law lesson dragged beyond time as usual. Moral of the story: next time, read the terms and conditions properly.

Went to library with SS to meet HH to get last year’s econs mid term paper. Set off for home. By the time I reached home, already 8sth. Called Mr. Wong. I hope his daughters wil come down this sat. and that they will want to come down subsequently. I guess it ia as much on our part to make them feel included as much as on their part to want to come.
Wednesday

Wednesday
Had econs mid term this morning. Wrote out all the formulae and drew all the graphs for 5 chapters on a sheet of A4 paper from 10pm till 1.30am last night. After the econs exam, prof decided to let us go!!! So I hung ard with siusiu in IS lounge doing my BGS report.
Good to have BGS report off for at least a week. Need a break from BGS man. But I must admit the readings are getting more exciting. Like scientific management, organizational pathology. I quite like them.

Then went to airport. Wish I will go on a holiday soon. Perhaps to Bangkok? Any takers?

Weekend was packed! The whole of Saturday was spent visiting houses of members of sariputta. had loads of fun, as close to 15 of us packed ourselves into my mentors lorry and drove all over Singapore. The lorry rides were fun, as we told lame jokes, sang songs and even waved to a police car which stopped behind us! What was most important was that we got to know each other’s family better, as well as know ourselves better.

Went back to school to discuss BGS. What’s new?

March retreat is from 15 to 17 March!! And I can’t make it!!! L I would gladly squeeze my wed and fri’s lessons into mon and tues if I could, if not for my MA test on fri (again…) and my AS presentation on that fri too.. I want to go!!!

I hope our Buddhist society will smooth smooth set up. But the person I was referred to has yet to reply to me!!! Efficiency hello! And we are a management school somemore.. inefficient sia..
Went for make up lesson on thurs for MA instead of the usual fri class. Must say prof is really nice, even tho he usu diverts off the topic at hand. He actually sieved out my test paper from the Friday pile to bring to me on thurs. respect. Beneath theat funny face was a serious and respectable man.

Met Prof gan at kopitiam. Asked me whether MA or FA is easier. First time I spoke to him casually. His wife was with him. Prettier than when I met them at hougang mall.

Fri went out for dinner with my foo cousins J Brandon koko treated us to dinner at swensons. Thanks lots! Supposed to meet foo cousins at orchard mrt at 7pm. Thot I would be early, taking 167. To my surprising surprise, the bus did not go to orchard. The road s were closed due to chingay!! ARGH. Went to city hall to take train down to orchard. Train was packed. However, at swensons, we could see the hoards of ppl, the firecrackers, this big dog model. Mel and I bought the same earrings!

The dinner was like a goodbye dinner for shaun koko, who is going on an exchange program to china till the end of the year. So long! The year has only started only. He is usually the eldest to join us in our cousins mtg, cos Brandon koko has to work late. Now I m the eldest L this will be a packed year for us la. Mel doing her a levels, hazel n levels, lionel o levels, me struggling with pileloads of work.

Looking forward to wed, when I will be discharged of my econs exam and BGS report. MA quiz next week. Gotta start on my AS indiv assignment, AS grp presentation (which I have to miss the retreat for) and MA project. Hmph.

happy new year too all of you! :) It has been a memorable new year. However, it has been a different start to a year. As I looked at 4 babies in my house when my relatives came over, I realised that so much things have happened over the year. This is when I started reflecting on the past year and realised how much I have gone through. I hope all of us will have teh opportunity to really reflect upon the past one year and to draw energy to move on :)

30th
spent the first half of the day finishing up my BGS and Biz Law report. slacked ard for the rest of the day, until 11pm when to deive my mum home with my dad :) my house was blazing bright as my grandmother wached over my brother making the offerings.

My cousin from China came to stay over at my house for the first few days of CNY. we wanted to let him immerse in the CNY atmosphere, so not so lonely in his hostel, in contrasr, he also added to our CNY atmosphere I guess.

1st day of CNY
woke up. As usual, my cousins, kima, kipa visited us and Ah Neh. However, this time got additional visitor - Julie Zeze!!! had 2 more ang baos - one from thomas koko and one from julie zeze. dunno where they give 2 separate ang baos. they are on angbao probation anyway haha

wen to my cousins' house at Lorong Liew Lian. Wanted to visit chief captain, who unfortunately had to spend CNY in Singapore. went over to mel and hazel's house. stayed there and played till 10 pm.

2nd day of CNY
woke up and visited Kipa and Kima. they had this really cute dog, whose hand swings like the fortune cat. it actually says gong xi fa cai too.

came home and waited for all my relatives to arrive. here is a namelistof guests:

uncle Thomas, Auntie Moo Lin, Jessie
Auntie Wendy, mel, hazel, beh nin, shaun, brandon, mai lin, ah po, JAMES
bo li, husband, ROU YI, ZHENGXIAN, biao jie, david, MEI JUN, kima
uncle andrew, auntie, karen, michael

wow. nvr had so many ppl in my house at any one time before! those names in CAPS are the babies.

James is 2 years and 1 month old. he has character and attitude (not in a negative sense). he does not react to ppl calling his name. jus wanders ard and walks in circle. he likes to throw his food on the floor before eating tehm too. James' sister is the ang moh girl who apperaed with me in my msn pic before. James is half ang moh :)

Rou yi and zhengxian are siblings. rou yi is comig to 2 years old in 1 month's time. zhengxian is 5 months old. love to carry zhengxian! he can't sit straight yet. so he will squirm ard and snuggle up to u :)

mei jun is 5 years old already. she is really hyperactive and jumps ard alot. and she has gambler's luck :)

so i spent my time running after and taking care of kids. i was kidding zheng xian water. as he was drinking, he fell asleep and i din know whetehr to take the bottle out anot! haha.

3rd day
went to alvin's house. met du at mrt station while waiting for selina. alvin's house is fun. got card games, where the young men lost to the old host himself, got mahjong, got karaoke. wah his family is good at karaoke man. auntie scored 83 easily on a song she picked last min *applause*
thanks alvin for invitation to ur house!

4th day
back to sch. sch was not bad :) had econs. next week is econs midterm exam. need to study 5 weeks worth of econs. ARGH. prob failed last week's FA quiz.time to buck up. and post-CNY is a good time to buck up :) jia you!

hope you ppl had an eventful CNY too!

finally, weekend is here! It has been a tough week. but the weenend is not here until today is over. 2 lessons and 3 mtgs today. CNY is here! today's MA quiz was bad. probably failed it cos of naruto. concepts were there but lost to my prof's craftiness.

going to chinatown tonight to meet my frens. grp of frens i have neglected since last year before christmas. i hope the next few days of CNY don' pass as fast as this week I had jus been through.

went running yesterday. feels good to run. and of cos, the muscle aches. :) i am a sad-ist. running is a good way of rconciling urself with what u want to do. making an effort to go running shows that u can do anything if you put ur mind, heart and soul into it.

shall put my camera into more frequent use during CNY. take pics of my family. Missed out taking photos with my family last night during reunion dinner. and the camera is jus lying there, underutilised. no new photos to upload. pls do remind me to bring the camera :) thanks!

yesterday's presentation was bad. got shot during Q & A. But I guess I have only myself to blami enjoyed myself e for insufficient preparation. Just glad that it is over.

Jus had my Econs presentation. I like my Econs class. they are the same grp of frens since last semester. i enjoyed myself during the presentation. familiar grp members. familiar audience.

Heard a familiar song this morning on my way to sch. "You are unbeliëvable". by R.E.M? anyhow, this was my JC 1 orientation mass dance song. good songs. fond memories. memorable experiences. There are songs that remind me of SBM too. too many to list here.

Viny suggested going temple-hopping and outings to eat vegetarian food. I like my secretary :) I will be in a good mood if not for BGS today :( oh well, i will be happy when the day ends :) :)

another 15 min before i go for my class. another 2 hrs 15 min before my 1 hr grp presentation. jus found out our grp presentation is marked based on individual assessment, not grp assessment! this individual assessment of our grp presentation takes up 20% of my marks! ARGH! and 15% for our report due next week, smack in the middle of CNY. haha. tell me why did I choose to come to SMU. to push myself to such boundaries? :) I like my biz law grp

maybe its about time... u start asking yourself.. what u have done for others. instead of what others can do for u?

jus kena whacked by a fren. yet this is a fren who will prob drag me from the boundaries separting fantasy and reality, sanity and madness. so as i go on with my mad life, i think i shall find a stability, where i don't spend too much of myself on one thing and neglect the rest.

and yes, i owe an apology to a group of frens. a sincere apology to u. simply because i think i know u guys well enough over the past semester, i start neglecting you. i apologies. mb that is where the above quote comes in.

and yet to another grp of fren, i think we are all busy with our school life currently, and our fren is trying to get settled in, haven't had time to meet up in a long while.

meiyin: HAPPY BEEG 2-0 birthday!

i think i must have done a lot of bad things in my previous lives. for all the lies i have had to suffer. all that you have told me are lies. pack of lies. and defence shields are now up up up. if u know who u r, good. if not, good for u then.

i can sense the CNY atmosphere in the air!!! Yesterday spring clean my house. Abit. better than none. then koko came to fix up our TV. then our orange/lime plant was delivered. and we went to ntuc to shop for goodies! my favourite. tho this time ntuc was secluded. very few ppl shop at ntuc close to midnight.

who wants to give me ang baos? koko is on probation this year. so if i am not happy with his angbao, can ask for more? hehe

another interesting week. somehow every week is an interesting week. I look forward to every weekend. in fact, now i just have to look forward to end of wednesday.

who wants to go CNY shopping with me? I need to buy decoration for my house. I also need new clothes for CNY. Separate shopping trips tho. Sigh. No time. Next week 2 presentations, 2 quizes. Straight after CNY, got 3 proposals due. each of which is at least a thousand words.

tmr morning have meeting in sch. then go SBM for sharing session. then evening return to sch for meeting. then sun afternoon have to go to sch to meet again. It is only the third week of school and already there is so much work. Plus past three weeks' work piling up.

met sariputta gals for dinner. It was fun. I really looked forward to it since yesterday. Yet the more you look forward to it, the more it weighs down after you say goodbye. Trudged my way back, caught in a traffic jam, standing on a bus with my heavy bags and laptop. i don't feel the CNY spirit in teh air, yet i feel really fortunate and blessed. mb if we focus on the good things, instead of the bad; mb if we look on the bright side of things, instead of the dark; mb if we can fish out what's good abt someone, instead of what is bad abt someone, life would take on a different perspective.

moral of this post: if i put u down again, remind me to look on the good side ofyou. :)

All hail the prince of pop! I love Jay Chou!

Heard his song on Cherie's blog, so decided to post on Jay Chou. Actually, I was not an ardent fan of Jay Chou when he began. Only got attracted in J1 when my classmates were rapping to his songs in chemistry lab sessions. His songs are different. The lyrics weave a story, not just abt love, separation, love, separation. perhaps a more narrative description (paradox here)

Recently felt Steph Sun and Lee Hom are unique too. But there is no compelling reason to be hooked onto them. Somehow. Also finding morelike-mided Jay Chou fans ard me. and of cos, anti-Jay Chou fans. Everyone is entitled to free thoughts :)

Had piano lesson today. The teacher gave me extra 20 minutes, cos we were probably talking for more than twenty minutes abt relationships. I admire her. She thinks like a man. And she is an epitome of the Singapore New Age Impressive Lady (SNAIL)she has the courage to do many things which I thinkI won't do. Yet if I keep death in mind everyday, mb I may just muster the courage to do one thing I never thought I would do in my life. just ONE thing.

went to sch for Econs meeting. Had Business Law. Guess what? I hadto decide the fate of my Biz Law grp whether we will be presenting next week. And my grp really kena next week! I felt bad initially, but my members were really nice. They were all encouraging, saying how being the first to get it over and done with. That brightened up my mood :) so next tues, i have to present for Business Law and next wed, econs.

had samba practice. haven't been for samba for very long. mb let me give a brief intro to my CCA in sch, Samba Masala. It is NOT a dance club. It is a brazillian music club, where we play drums and auxilliary. It is fun, cos it is a different kind of music. like funk, hip hop. kinda like the YBC youths hitting the bins. their rhythm was Batu Cada i think. visit wicked aura's website for a sample.

haven't gone for samba in a while. it was nice getting to play the dhol again. the rhythm. the state when everyone is jusplaying teh drums and you can't hear anything, anyone. and when everyone gets tog to play a piece, the groove, teh rhythm to which everyone sways to. it is an amazing feeling. tho the feeling is still far from the time we rehearsed for SGX's Bull Run. OUr first real performance was at the Padang for SGX. think we almost crashed. but everyone played really well when we saw Jackie Chan upfront!! oh well, taht was last year. a worthy memory.

this has been an interesting weekend.
Saturday: played basketball with SBM at Mountbatten CC, where hwee koko's gym is. had fun. played ball till midnight. there were ppl who were good. there were ppl who think they were good. and of cos there were those who simply dislikes the game. anyhow, i enjoyed myself. haven't played ball in a long time.

when we reached the court, saw the aljunied club gals practising. knew a couple of them, like Angela. see them do the drills makes me recall teh drills i had to do. similar, but prob without their intensity nor dedication. glad i don't have to go thru it anymore. the level of satisfaction after a game or after trng was still there :)

sun went to meet yihan and liang yuan for prata breakfast. miss both of them. yihan not changed much - no American accent, tho he now sports a funkier hairstyle, and more stories of dirty rats-strewed New York to tell.

then in the evening, had ajahn brahm's talk. it was on karma and intelligent design. I like his talk, but I like his Q & A better. he has so many stories to tell, given that this was probably my first proper talk I attended. I like the story abt King Raja V and the buddha cast in stone. I also liek the question abt Jesus.

today, went to sch to hand in AS homework. then met for Biz Law mtg. think my Biz Law grp is quite nice, given taht we will have to meet each other weekly from now on. then met Winglam. aven't met her since she left for Hong Kong in mid-December. told her all the stories that had happened in my life over the past one month. As I was recounting to her, I realise how much I had undergone and experienced.

attended Ajahn Brahm's talk on "What is death" today. i think today's talk was closer to the heart. all the talk abt suicide, reincarnation and attachment. that we cannot let go of our family and frens. I prob don't dare to go overseas cos i can't put down my family and frens here. what if i come back and all my frens are lost? what if sth happened at home? Last year, definitely a lot of things happened. yet thankfully, our family came together. what if i felt lonely and started getting depressed overseas? thinking i have no frens? happens before, cannot guarantee won't happen again. every morning i wake up, the feelign is empty. I have one clique in Singapore. Another clique has migrated to US. Yet another bigger "clique" (if i may call u a clique) is spread all over the globe.

after ajahn brahm's talks, i felt taht there was nothing to be afriad of. yet, when i return to sch tmr, i will still be afraid to speak up, or to be myself. I may be a loud person, but not many ppl know me well enough. perhaps not even myself. his talks are interesting. understandable. no pressure or stress. i like it :)

it's Friday. End of Week 2. Time to meet up with SBM peeps. But before that, projects and assignments are starting to pile up. This semester will be tougher than the previous. With more modules, and more participation. I have yet to open up in class. Afraid I will screw up this semester just because i don't participate in class. Yet the purpose of me coming to SMU was to learn to speak up, and to learn to think, not just to plug in values and formulae.

New year resolutions:
1. Shall not pang seh ppl
2. Shall go running.
I love running. Just that irregular timetable, weather has deterred me. it will be tough getting me to run. yet i love not the running part, but the part after the run, the sense of achievement.

2005 was a year better to be remembered or forgotten? my fren asked me that question and I immediately said forgotten. lots of sad stuff. yet upon reflection, there are nice stuff too, like:
1. my driving license
2. i dunno le
so mb year 2005 will be remembered as the year I got my driving license! :)

Uncle Dell left this (thursday) morning. slept at 1.30am, woke up at 3 am to send him to the airport by 4.15 am. It was fun hanging ard withhim. Zeze left on Tuesday morning as she had to work. It's been pouring like crazy since dunno when. Kinda makes going out with them a little harder, tho the temperature is not too hot for them.

Time to hit the books! This is already the second week of school! Very fast, all the presentation and projects will hope on. somehow my grp of frens are not in all my modules and i already feel lost. there is a class when i don't have my grp of frens. yikes. need to make frens

think i need to listen more and learn to verbalize my thoughts into words. miscommunication. alloctaing scarce resources to fufil unlimited wants. must plan. don't go into "PLANNING OVERDRIVE"

playing basketball this saturday. hope it wll jus stop raining for one evening. this weekend is packed again. must gain control of my life.

today is my cousin's ROM at PKS. t was an interesting experience. tho it has been raining non-stop over teh past twelve hours, people turned up to wish the newly weds with their blessings.

CONGRATULATIONS thomas koko and julie zeze!!

went to sentosa yesterday. it was fun. but i can feel myself getting old. the enthusiasm to jump into the sea is not tehre. perhaps it was the rain. it was fun.

we had 4 new members. jie lun, cherie, lincoln and bryan. jie lun is quiet. but when he plays soccer, or gets really excited, he sheds his quiet form and you can see the extrovert side of him. Cherie is a cheerful, bubbly girl. she and jie lun got along pretty alright. perhaps it is tehir age. Bryan is fidgety. he listens when u call him. so he is a good boy :)

lincoln's face lights up when something interests him. like building sandcastles. or telling him to watch a midnight movie. his face did not light up when listening to sx's rap tho haha. that is what makes lincoln so funny. nice specs too :)

and of cos sariputta gals. making sandwiches which are getting better and earning praises from consumers now.

I wanna go for the George Soros talk. It will be good. He will be in Singapore. He is a celebrity.
I wanna go for the Sarbanes Oxley talk. It will be good too. Sth I have done before. Though I am still unclear what it is. It is a tedious procedure. It was implemented after the Enron case and all US companies have to subscribe to it.

going back to sch over the past two days. This term all the subjects are qulitative, may not be my cup of tea. but i must learn. they can be as interesting as i make them out to be :)

2006 Resolution 1:
I must learn to speak up in class. After all, after the class, no on ewill rememebr what you have said, even if it was stupid or nonsense.

had Business Law. My prof is good. can explain latin terms. however, it is debate style, which i don't ezactly fare in. mist learn

next was intro to econs. met familiar faces. econs is fun. have to grasp concepts. makes you think. like when interpreting graphs, have to interprete like during maths or physics or chem :) must choose front seats next week.

then was business, government and law (BGS) whihc is ganna take up loads of time this week. got totally new grp mates. i look forward to working with them. prof is nice la. but i must really speak up. because this session really must interact to voice out ideas, to sort out reasoning and logic.

tmr is Management accounting and analytical skills. well before tmr, tonight i m having samba practice. haven't been attending! so i m looking forward to attending this session. also, wil be exchaning books with clara, so i can finally decide what books i need to buy. haven't bought any books yet. jus course packages. which cost close to $40 already. books are expensive :(

tonight at midnight, Uncle Dell is arriving in Singapore!!! i want to go fetch him!

tmr i shall go for orientation night and meet matt, hen go to the airport again to fetch Zeze!!!

then sat i m going to sentosa with SBMYians and freshmen :) sariputta and kassapa are preparing finger food!

then sunday is koko's ROM at KMS. which uncle dell and zeze flew in for from US. so exciting! lionel has a job to take care of goody bags aka rocheo chocs. i m the certificate bearer :) pretty dress haha mama bought a new dress too. nvr seen her in a dress before. or at least in a long time.

and on 4th Feb, which is mama's burfdae too, SBMY is visiting our house! help me celebrate my mama's burfdae okie?

all these activities has kicked all teh assignments, projects, tests, exams, presentations to the frontiers of my meories as i look forward to so many activities. and with gatherings, there will be separations. without teh people around us, we would not be who we are today.