i feel horrible. dunno why. nothing happen. yet prob a lot of things happen.

thanks to everyone who attended today's rehearsal. thanks to everyone who is going to give us a good WAN word tmr.

met rj frens. i miss u guys. u dunno how much i miss those times. i really do. then all these feelings start gushing back. horrid feelings. of happy scenarios of the past.

cheer up. chin up.

well, think back over the hols, after breaking camp, I have been spending everyday out. Not having dinner at home with my dad. and i think he is not exactly happy. haiz everyday go out for dinner. and dinner time is teh only time i see him. my mum? i see her when she comes pick me up from the corners of teh earth at unearthly hours.

tonight is the gala dinner, so no dinner at home. fri, sat will be at kms. well, at least there is sun and mon? time management!!!

today is wednesday. tmr is thursday. next friday start school lor.. i don't want to start school...

tmr i m supposed to go and stay over at my class' chalet after gala dinner! which means i have to lug all my clothes and belongings to gala dinner! but i m definitely looking forward to class chalet. finally sth that has been realized after tons of organisation.

when sch starts, i dunno if i have to make frens all over again. realise that i m not really keeping in touch with my frens. best frens r still from sec sch.

"All worldly pursuits have but the one unavoidable end, which is sorrow: acquisitions end in dispersion; buildings in destruction; meetings in separation; births, in death. Knowing this, one should, from the very first, renounce acquisition and heaping up, and building, and meeting; and faithful to the commands of an eminent guru, set about realizing the Truth (which has no birth or death)."

i finished a book in my whole day spent at home today! It is titled "Beyond the Fall". ByThomas Chua Chee Siong. Good book, because firstly, it was easy to read, as the chapters were short. It is about a young boy, who drank too much vodka and fell from a third storey uring a Christmas party. it narrates his road to recovery and more importantly, the physical and emotional barriers he and his family had to overcome.


dunno if you have read abt him from the papers, but I wanted to read the book because I have read abt him in the papers. Good book. It was not angst filled, even though i thought i could feel his frustration. It was inspirational too. Makes me want to appreciate everything and everyone around me ever more.

anyone wants to read? come get it from me.

I m sick. finally. think since camp ended. sore throat. headache. achoooooo! sleep sleep and sleep. rudolph? merry christmas

another bad news. I learnt of it from the papers on Christmas 2005.

I will pray for you to be well and happy. I hope you will continue to be optimistic and strong. Because throughout the four (close to five years) I have known you, your bubbly and fun nature has always brightened up everyone's days. you may seem cool and punk on the outside, but your friendliness has endeared yourself yo each and everyone of us.

I recall you were sitting behind me in class. We were always in the same group for SS. Though we were not in teh same class subsequently, we still managed a warm greeting and a smile. That was all it needed and took for our friendship to continue. I will pray for you to be well and happy.

Which brings me to my next point: what is the point of gathering when there is separation? why let a person harbour hopes and dreams and aspirations, only to attach and crave for more? Perhaps this is what the game of life is all about.

came back from qing gong yan. it was fun. going to michelle's house was fun too :) we actually went to michelle's house before teh qing gong yan to dress up. there was no one at home, so we simply ran ard and made a lotof noise while pinning clothes, testing make-up...

i think i have entered a slump again... wat is the point of having gatherings when there are separations? what is the point of having fun in a group, when ultimately, u have to face the tests and music alone? i dunno. all i know is i have been thru too many cycles of extreme happiness, then depression. Happiness, then depression. and i let it carry on. i try to appreciate the happiness, to live for the moment. but later, i will look back and hope it will last longer. is this called attachment?

why live ur life in fear? i dunno. so snap out of it and live ur life to the fullest! Merry christmas to all of you. Merry christmas.

sariputta hunk and babes

sariputta gals against 1 sariputta gal

sariputta babes and hunk

thomson gang - mostly back from UK Dec 2005

my cousins and free starbucks

my mum and my cousins

been a hectic week so far. since we broke camp on sun. monday - shopped with ss for sj's present. then went to meet pui for movie and had ice cream with gan. BTW, gan passed his driving test!!! first attempt! You rock man!~

Tuesday - dunno wat i did. think i had piano lesson in the morning. went to cuthair with my mama. then went for bruno's chalet.

Wednesday - went to inspect PKS with Lindy. We had fun, dancing with candles. Cell and Karamen were very nice and tried their best to answer our questions. Thanks lots! went out for dinner with Hwee koko and Sariputta gals - thanks Hwee koko for bear da vinci! we all dressed up really nice nice and had a pleasant surprise. took some funny and silly photos. but i believed we all enjoyed our selves.

Thursday - went out with SBMYians. supposed to watch King Kong. end up go eat, go borders, then go eat again. left early to attend SJ's birthday chalet. Happy 21st birthday SJ!!! Glad to see you had so many frens ard with u, not jus frens from now, but frens from sec sch, JC, NS, frens who stood by you all this while.

Friday - met lindy, jiayi, liwei and chu feng to meet for PKS. Liwei and Chu Feng can be serious one you know? haha then went shopping for liwei's pants and lindy's shoes. well lindy bought 2 pairs of heels - you know why :) then went to meet hwee koko, who queued in the rain for 80 minutes, with liwei and Chu Feng.

Been a hectic week ya? tmr is our celebratory dinner for SBM. Sariputta gals and our alliances are going to dress up!!! theme: Retro :D so exciting! but before that, camp debrief at 2pm at SBM. gotta lug all our barang barang down to SBM before changing at the hotel. it will be at quality hotel.

-Lola

camp ehi-passiko sequel 2005 was fantastic! I was a GL (Group Leader). I must say it was an experience of a lifetime. For a fuller description of the camp, from different perspectives as well, pls visit www.sbmsariputta.blogspot.com

came back at 6 last evening. was really shag. fell asleep while sms-ing. ate dinner, slept. then my mother woke me up cos she bought also a carton of liang tei. thankfully she also woke me up to msh hh happy birthday. HAPPY 25th BIRTHDAY HH!!! slept again till this morning at 1030.

was expecting a sore throat or muscle ache. but none at all. jus no voice. i have never lost my voice before. so this is a first i guess. net ss at 130 to buy SJ's present. the person IC from PKS called me. taht was when i was verved into starting work immediately. luckily we sariputta gals are helpful and effective. THANK YOU! *Muahz*

went out with pui after that. went to eat at food republic. then watched Santa's Slay. I thot it was crappy. but she found it interesting how Santa is actually Satan unscrambled. pui and her warped analogy. taht's why i like hanging out with her. weare kinda like yin and yang i guess. yet we have many similarities.

then we went for ice cream at icekimo. surprised pui with a surprise guest! GAN! haha later hit pui that we had a 15 gathering. haha had ice cream overdose - 9 scoops!! sot a shuai ge at the ice cream joint - mb i shd start hanging out ard there more often now.

anyway, we had a good talk. gan is taking his driving test this fri - all teh best! talked abt cars, driving tests, UK, SMU. I like to hang ard with them. tehy are cool. no pressure.

tmr got piano lesson ing the morning. Argh.. confirm cannot wake up. then going out with my mum for lunch, cut her hair, mb collect my contact lens, then go for Bruno's chalet. Must remember to wrap my gift haha

Voices That Care

Lonely fear lights up the sky
Can't help but wonder why
You're so far away
There, you had to take a stand
In someone else's land
Life can be so strange
I wish we never had to choose
To either win or lose
That we could find a way (We could find a way)
But I won't turn my back again

Your honour I'll defend
So hurry home, and 'til then (til then)

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright (hurry home… ooh)

I'm not here to justify the cause
Or to count up all the loss
That's all been done before
I just can't let you feel alone
When there's so much love at home
We're sending out to you
All the courage that you've known
The bravery you've shown
Clearly lights the way
We pray to make the future bright
To make the wrong things right
Right or wrong, we're all praying you remain strong
That's why we're all here and singing along

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright (hurry home… ooh)

You are the voice
You are the light

Stand tall, stand proud
Voices that care are crying out loud
And when you close your eyes tonight
Feel in your heart how our love burns bright (hurry home… ooh)

i feel a sense of anger rising. yet this anger can't manifest and it is stuck in my chest. haven't been coming online for a few nights. sudddenly some online. I feel used. betrayed. need me then pretend pretend. a lot of things nvr say. i m jus out of reach of the grapevine. no need to tell me everything. esp when things r so stale i don't have to knwo them anymore.

and results ain't the whole thing in the world. so wat if u get good results? u ain't gonna get a sponsor. simply cos sponsors are practising what tehy preach, that they do not jus look at results.

i feel happy for both of you. somehow i feel angry too. perhaps teh happiness gor u suppresses the anger. and it is now stuck.

there is so many things to be angry abt. when ppl r nice to me, i don't appreciate. when i m nice to ppl, they don't appreciate. i can help u guys do ur work, assignemnts, essays. wat do i get? when will this anger ever dissipate?

Sunday. almost a week since my last entry. last week was a whirlwind. Let me try to recollect what i did over the past week.

Sunday
went out with mummy for breakfast before going to SBM to wrap armours :D then went to mel's house to watch star search. it was fun watching with a whole group of people, looking at what they were wearing, their expressions, who won and who didn't. it is kinda like those oscars and emmys, when actors and actresses dress their best and hog the lime light, less any companion to cuddle with on the red carpet walk.

Monday
went out with melissa, hazel, lionel and shaun. we were supposed to have sizzler at suntec. ended up we went to eat at the ship. mummy joined us too! it was a nice experience.
1. the food was reasonably priced, for a restaurant where working executives frequent for lunches in orchard.
2. mummy said it is a good restaurant when we told her we were going to eat at the ship. said it has been ard since 1970s. but it relocated to some obscure corner within Shaw Towers and she thought it closed its operations. so mummy came to join us and foot the bill

then we went to cut my hair at wisma. it is really not bad la, considering how much I complain. it looks short tho it is long enough to be tied up. ma wanted me to cut it wispy and layered. but my hairdresser cut it straight at the back, with some wispier all over my head. kinda like disorder within order. if u get wat i mean.

then 5 of us went our separate ways as lion and shaun went to play x box, mel and hazel went home to change and i went to meet sam, don and sher at food republic. sorry guys i can't go on bangkok trip with u. u know how much i want to go. but how many 21st birthdays does a person have?

had dinner at Peach Garden Novena cos it was their 3rd birthday!!! (5 dec 2005)

Tuesday
Went out with Winglam. went to borders to get a book for HH. it was the Warren Buffett book. think i shall get it for myself too. then we walked to wisma, then to meridien centre to look at the Factory Outlet Store. Abercrombie. bought nothing tho.

took a bus to Shaw Tower Beach Road to eat at the Italian vegetarian restaurant. We had a nice walk as we tried to figure out how to get there. We went into the bakery at Raffles Hotel, looking for Hazelnut loaf, which was unfortunately sold out.

went to raffles city to shop. where we saw batman. and his car parked in an obscure corner. we took plenty of pictures. Had to leave for Samba practice.

Wednesday
had piano lessons, then went shopping with mel, hazel, lion and aunie wendy.

Thursday was a whirlwind

Hello monday morning. have been waking up early ever since exams ended. Whee. Went to SBM yesterday to wrap armours. Grrrr. I will never be Santa's helper cos I am really bad at wrapping. But it looks good tho.

Went for breakfast with Michelle and Lionel. We were at SBM at 10 (punctual!). While we were at prata shop, Hanqi, Evelyn and Fuzhong came and joined us. Cos they saw no one there. Punctuality! haha. Anyway, we prompted started working. The girls were wrapping and wrapping while the guys were sawing holes in the castles haha. After a hard day's work, we wrapped a grand total of.... 14 armours. Considering the amt of effort - teh scotch tape and the har lost to the scotch tape, the lack of scissors and pen knives, we were kinda surprised to learn taht we have only wrapped so little.

I was wrapping with Evelyn initially. Then we got better and embarked on wrapping on our own. Michelle and Selina were wrapping and laughing non-stop. Haha. But they were good. Selia kept cutting tape and pasting on herself so that Michelle can just wax her hands and legs. haha kidding. I was wrapping with Jiayi. More like doing patch work, but anyway.

Whatever we do, must do "sui sui". That is why there are so many props and so much mampower required.

Went to Melissa's house after taht. Got piano lesson. Hazel has grown skinnier! I need to exercise haha

today marks the end of our FA exam! It was tough, though many dudes say that it is simpler than past years papers. Prof came in and said it is an easy paper. Considering I have never balanced any of teh financial statements.

Yesterday, something miraculous happened. I have never balanced a cash flow statement before and I was getting tired after a few days' of try. Then, in the midst of the afternoon, I BALANCED ONE CASH FLOW STATEMENT! I was rejuvernated then. But after that, I din balance any again. But that was definitely a boost of morale and i was more alert after that.

went for an extravagant lunch with ss, kc and hh. the food portion was huge, the milk shake was delicious (as usual) and the ice cream was a bonus. however, i think we really enjoyed ourselves because we sat there for two hours at least i think, and sat there and talked abt anything and everything under the sun. KC is really keen on forming his band. He also wants to revive his taekwondo. if all else fails, he will join the "photo" club, if anyone actually knows what i mean. i hope you will find something that you truly want to do. like graduating within the shortest time possible, go be an auditor and start earning money.

On the way walking back to sch to retrieve ss's sweater, we went into teh new Nationa Library. It was really crowded. Was reading a book on Toyota when kc and hh came to disturb me. haha We had fun looking thru the different species of cats.

Then, we went next door to Bras Basah Complex. When I m tehre, i usually visit either my optician or visit popular. however, this time, kc and hh brought us to swee lee where they had guitars and amplifiers and rums (including those for samba and belly dancing). HH said that usuay we can't bring our bags in, but guess the people din really bother abt us.

Went into those book shops, art shops. and Popular has changed alot! and hh showed me like one book with jay chou's songs. Few years back, when i was in sec sch, and if i was interedted in jay chou at that time, i would have bought. this time, i returned it back to the shelves, where i felt it belonged better.

After that, walked back to sch to retrieve ss's sweater. wah the security guard niao me and think i lying!!! wah pissed. he looks like santa claus. We hung ard the GSR for a while before making our way back to bugis.

Went our brand new, refurnished Sariputta Team! Ang Hwee, Michelle, Lindy, Selina, Jia Yi and me. Had dinner at a nice place. Shall go tehre with you guys someday. It is Italian veg food, which is cheap too! set lunch for 6.90; set dinner for 9.90. and there is soup, pizza or pasta, drink.

We then adjourned to Pacific Cffee (i think) at Marina. It is a nice place to chat, especially if you get Ang Hwee's favourite cushion seats. Heh Thank you gals and one guy, for a great dinner, great companionship

nitez nitez

time to listen to songs so that i know what songs i like.