i just watched ninja turtle. and i enjoyed the show, although it is no longer the childish cartoon we used to watch on the box called tv. and one moment that impacted me was when splinter was talking to raphael. Warning: if u do not want me to spoil the movie for you, pls skip the next few paragraphs.

Splinter told Raphael that he liked to take the whole world upon himself. he was enforcing law and order for new york city when splinter forbade the 4 ninjas to fight crimes individually. this sort of struck me as i felt i could identify with raphael. sometimes, expectations of us are not quite high as we would like ourselves to think or to take on.

this thing about expectations. is it good to have high expectations? of what? i used to think i have high expectations. so i tell myself not to have expectations. not to compare as that will only lead to more misery. when i subconsciously expected something and my expectation was not met, i just try to forget it and tell myself i will not remember it soon after and move on. To me, even if people don't tell me explicitly their expectations, i think i would still try to meet expectations i think that exist.

sometimes when i think i have done enough, i end up feeling i could do so much more. m i such a useless bum? or is it unreasonable to expect so much of one person? when i look around and see so many ppl who are probably 1000 times busier than i m, i start seeing how insignificant i m. this feeling is unbearable, when u have been told u can do great things (everyone one of us can do great things) and u start forming expectations. then u try to lower ur expectations and u realise it is still not enough. tell me what to do man.

i think everyone is tired out by exams, stress, unreasonable ppl like me. i would like to think that having no expectations of someone would mean that that person does not really matter to you. anyhow is good enough. but when u expect ur friends to be loyal to you, when u expect ur family to support u, when u expect to be able to convince ur family before you set out to convince ur friends and then strangers.

i haven't hugged my mum in a long time. somehow, ppl get detached from one another, both emotionally and physically. i m glad i still hug at least one person in sch - siu2. i used to hug my school mates in jc. and life tends to be so much simpler when u r younger.

i m like a big baby. i doubt i will ever grow up. i think i will continue to be sheltered and when i experience some realities of life, i will retract and return to my shelter. did i mention i m like a mimosa, retracting very easily? think raphael and mimosa - maybe i will make a pink ninja turtle.